Better than Big Butter Jesus?

COLUMN NOTES: "Big Butter Jesus" is a reference to a song by Heywood Banks about the statue, known as the King of Kings Statue, pictured here to the left. It has since burned to the ground after being struck by lightning. You can hear Heywood's song at the end of this post.


HARBESON: Want to control Theatair X? Buy it

> SOUTHERN INDIANA — Last week, I wrote about Reclaim Our Culture Kentuckiana’s — or ROCK — continuing spat with Clarksville politicians in regards to Theatair X.

As I wrote, I knew I was reaching my word limit, but my mind kept saying, “Don’t stop; don’t stop.” So I didn’t. I have to say it feels good to write my first column series.

In part one, I said I didn’t think it was wise for ROCK to put faith in a secular man-made organization that uses the threat of violence and I now hope to help ROCK by suggesting other courses of action.

But first let’s get some clarity on ROCK’s accusation of possible corruption in Clarksville government. ROCK’s president implied that Theatair X might be paying off the town of Clarksville. Well, of course they are. We just give a special name to this sort of extortion: property taxes.

Now that we’ve shined the light of truth on that, let’s take a peep into two possible alternatives for ROCK proponents to use instead of trying so hard to get in bed with government.

The first suggestion: follow the Golden Rule. I realize this can be an abstract theoretical phrase so let’s find a real life example, a model of the behavior the rule encourages. I suggest we use Theatair X.

Theatair X clearly lives by the Golden Rule. This business just quietly goes about meeting a market demand without initiating force on anyone. Theatair X never asks government to control what other people do on their private property.

Theatair X respects everyone’s right to self-ownership and does not force anyone to enter their establishment. Theatair X doesn’t put photos up of people who dislike what they do. They just leave them alone to pursue their lives as they see fit.

Theatair X shows us it is possible to peacefully co-exist with those who have different values. They understand they are doing no harm to anyone’s children. Heck, most of us know from experience that children are way more likely to see real live sex at home. Lock your bedroom doors, parents.

Now, I understand that just leaving this business alone still might be difficult. For some, the desire for control can just be so, well, tempting. So let me offer another idea that perfectly fits those with this strong need for control.

Buy the place. Ownership is really the only way to control what happens on a piece of property. Make them an offer. Everyone has a price.

Sure, it might be expensive but I think if anyone has the chance of doing it, it’s ROCK because they have the backing of churches. See, churches don’t have to hand over the government extortion fee — property tax — that businesses do, so the potential pool of money is even greater.

If ROCK persuades all the local religious organizations not to buy property or build until they have enough money to purchase Theatair X’s property, they could finally have control of that area.

This could be better than the King of Kings, Big Butter Jesus!

Yeah, I know it will be more difficult due to ROCK’s work assisting governments in Louisville and Southern Indiana. They have succeeded in effectively decreasing Theatair X’s competition, making their business worth even more. Oh, if only they hadn’t participated in government force.

I hope ROCK, along with everyone else who is interested, will focus all their energy on using peaceful voluntary means to get what they want. Because that kind of action is what really gets me hot.

And speaking of hot!:



Sellersburg resident Debbie Harbeson isn’t sure what could top Big Butter Jesus, but she and Heywood Banks are sure excited to find out.

No Longer A Virgin

HARBESON: Get ready for a ROCKin’ good time

> SOUTHERN INDIANA — I think I might be developing an obsession with other people’s sex lives. I really never cared before, but since ROCK came to Clarksville, I can’t stop thinking about what other people might be doing.

And now, also because of Reclaim Our Culture Kentuckiana’s influence, for the first time, I purposely went to a website advertised as having mature content. Really. I was a mature content website virgin until ROCK enticed me with titillating advertisements.

I decided to go to the website I saw on their billboard and it took me to a warning page which, of course, only increased my curiosity. I had to enter my birth date to enter the site. I lied of course and said I was 35. They let me in.

That was so much fun, I exited and lied again and said I was 23. They let me in. Realizing I could pretty much do what I wanted, I lied again and claimed to be 19. All of this entering and exiting the website increased my anticipation.

The first thing I noticed was the site’s border, which looked like splatters of black paint. It reminded me of a Jackson Pollock painting. This made me picture Ed Harris, who played Pollock in a movie. I always thought Harris was one sexy dude.

As I started to fan my flushing face, an attractive lady sauntered out from the right side of my computer screen! It was awesome and with that technology I could only imagine what might happen next.

She introduced herself as MaryAnn Gramig, President of ROCK. I listened for a while. She seemed to be really worried about my protection. I tried to tell her I was prepared but she just kept talking, trying to convince me I was in danger. She was really selling fear, which disappointed me because I was looking for sex.

However, I perked up when she started to make her main point. She was stern, which I have to say was kind of sexy. She also made a fist and put her thumb over the top, continuing her lecture. I wasn’t sure why but this made me think about sex, too. Then I remembered it was a favorite gesture of President Clinton’s.

I was now very anxious to get to the photos I heard were on this site. So I muted the lady and scrolled down the page.

What I saw shocked me — and I’ve been married for 29 years. It was truly eye-opening. The photos were not even close to what I expected. Don’t read any further unless you are older than 18.

What I saw were some really bad photos of the current Clarksville town council. I mean it; these photos are not flattering. I don’t know where ROCK found them but my guess is that they had access to their driver’s licenses.

By now, I had lost all interest in having any fun on this site. As I read the comments next to each politician’s photos, I realized all ROCK wanted to do was tell me they are having difficulty working with government officials to get what they want.

I find it hard to care though. I’ve peacefully co-existed my entire life with Theatair X and ROCK knows others agree. This explains why they tied this latest project with the new enforcement of adult businesses in Louisville. ROCK wants us to fear that those businesses will move here.

But if true, this proves that ordinances don’t change anything at a root level. Such government actions only invade property rights. This is not only highly ineffective because we can see that these ordinances just move people around a bit; it also has the potential to backfire and be used against you one day.

ROCK, along with the vast majority of people, still clings to a superstitious faith in a secular man-made organization that uses the threat of violence to control other people.

But what else can they do? Well, more on that next week. Enjoy the anticipation.

— Sellersburg resident Debbie Harbeson hopes that if a photo of her ever surfaces on a mature content website, it at least shows her good side.